After 5 years with no car, and after months of saving, a beautiful new home, some super generous donations, the perfect car for the perfect amount of money appears in my lap.
And after just 3 short months, in the span of about 20 seconds it's sitting mangled on the side of the road.
And after a bold faced lie, it's chances of being restored rightly by the party responsible are as crushed as my rear bumper.
I had a dear friend tell me that they were praying for God to do something surprising. And I haven't really talked to God about it until today when I found out that the lady who hit us due 100% to her fault, called my insurance company and lied saying that I was the one in the middle of the road. And that chances of having her insurance cover it were slim to none.
So I was about to talk to God about it.
But I realized something. As much as anger burned in the pit of my stomach and in the tears of my eyes at the injustice. And as much as I wanted to say anything besides "It's so unfair." As much as I would love a miracle: I'd love to find a check for a fatty sum to cover the cost. Or a brand new car sitting in the driveway tomorrow. I don't.
The one time in my life I can imagine God handing me a present, and quietly leaving its ribbon untouched. I would more than happily take a surprising gift from God. Especially one that I had been praying so long and hard for.
And yet, I prayed much harder for a different miracle. For the miracle of Eisley's life to be maintained and restored. I believed so hard for her future and for my chance to get to meet and hold her, and watch her grow into the beautiful woman God designed her to be. I dont think I've wanted anything more.
It's not like we get "redeem for a free miracle" coupons. And when we're good enough or holy enough, or with pure enough intentions we are awarded one. God knows the implications of our actions, our humanity, and this world far better than I do. When I don't get the miracle I'm asking for...I can trust him.
But don't. Don't give me a different miracle, Jesus. I don't want it.
It's not because I'm not thankful. Let's be real, I'd prefer NOT to have to walk 4 miles to work and back each day. I would love to prove to God that not for one moment did I take that blessing for granted. I would LOVE to be back in the boat of being able to offer my own car for rides rather than begging and hoping to bum off someone else. It's because I feel like I wouldn't be able to look at my miracle without wishing with every ounce of my being that just once I could transfer my card.
