A dear friend of mine has a precious little two-year old daughter. Recently their family underwent a massive change. Their typically obedient little one began to rebel against bedtime. My friend described how one night, they had to be consistent in their returning her to her bed for over two hours.
With this change, this little one needed to know something. Were things still the same? Can I get away with this? And the biggest one...how will Daddy respond?
While being severely tested, daddy lovingly and firmly stayed true until she finally decided that things were indeed still in order.
I think I've been doing this with God. With change, shift and heartache, I'm desperate to know that things are still the same. Even in my failings, rather than rise above them, I find myself owning them. Wearing them. Clutching them tightly to my chest. As if to say to God "You love me? Well, how about now? Don't you see this!?"
In a not-so-subtle attempt to gain our attention and love, children will sometimes run away from us, grinning over their shoulder to make sure that we have fallen into the game and are chasing after them. I feel like today God showed me that this is what I'm doing to him. Only maybe with different motives.
I've heard it said that sin does not keep God away from us. But that sin causes us to run from God. The separation has really been on our side. Adam and Eve in the garden. God is looking in the garden for THEM. THEY are hiding from HIM.
I've been running. Overwhelmed by my own shortcomings, my inability to meet my own expectations, my...humanity. I run.
But I'm not too far gone yet. I still glance over my shoulder. To see if He would really dare follow.
I'm pretty sure that the place I really would like to run to...is you. I guess I'm just kind of wanting to make sure that you still want me. Even with my fists full of old rags.
