Heart Explosion

I have a friend whose facebook status reads as follows:

Charlie Blanch

is 100% cool, 100% funny, 100% smart, and 100% happy;100% dweeb, 100% boring, 100% daft, and 100% grieved; I'm 100% excited, 100% careful, 100% social, and 100% sufficient;100% scared, 100% careless, 100% solitary, and 100% needy

I froze for a moment as I reflected on how true that feels for my life. I am so filled with joy and gratitude. Relief and laughter. And at the exact same moment heart broken, sorrowful, devoid of hope, and empty.

The former so outweighs the latter. God has so tangibly met with me during this time. I am so thankful. So blessed. And so overwhelmed by it.

But these other areas of my heart feel like they are dying.

Many people know I'm a "passionate" person (my new word for "dramatic"). And maybe that's how this seems. But truly there are many things writhing in an unseen depth of my heart.

So balance. Always back to balance.

How do I reconcile all these feelings in my heart? Do I run to people and lay it all out there, bearing the wounds and begging for gauze? Or do I run to God and know that in his arms, all is made right? But we were made for relationship, so should I be transparent? Or should I let Him shield my heart and not allow offense to overtake me?

Balance.

And yet...You. You hold the scale. The scale that never weighs in a formula of law. The scale that holds justice and mercy on either end but is ever regulated by love.

Lord weigh my heart. Weigh my circumstance. I give the right of the outcome to you. Take my heart and teach it love. Let your fire burn in my soul. Rebuild the broken walls of trust with revelation of your faithfulness.