Reflections on blogging

I was sitting in Starbucks, SUPPOSEDLY working on a teaching. But my head was spinning to the point of being totally incapable of focusing on this project.

So I grabbed my journal. And was void of all motivation. Then I had this crazy urge to blog.

Why do we blog? I think I guiltily assumed it was because I had this extreme "emo" desire to share my angst with the world in a facet that required zero follow-through. I can vent. And vent to people. And have no one to deliver a swift slap back to reality.

So I put my computer down.

But I realized that's not my heart at all. I think I'd want to blog even if no one read. I'm a verbal processor. And I have a desire to put my feelings out there, but still be able to process as the information goes. And not just in a way that's just for me. The accountability that exists in knowing that the information is accessible, helps me walk myself through truth.

In a journal, I can just put my head down and get lost in a sea of self-pity. But blogging requires pulling up my hypothetical bootstraps.

A while back, God spoke to me very clearly about venting. I had journal pages filled with frustration and hurt. Feeling better after I had processed, but as I would later peruse the vomit-filled pages, I was left with feelings reminiscent of the time I trudged through thigh-high mud ponds looking for disc golf discs. There are many words that try to evoke the correct emotion, but the word I'm really looking for: "icky."

He showed me that my version of "venting" is reflecting on a situation while purposely blocking Holy Spirit from speaking truth into it. My venting is unforgiving. My venting is always played as the victim.

(I'm careful to say "MY venting" because I know that this is not true for everyone! Some people keep everything bottled inside, and you need to get the muck out! This can be a good and healthy thing. My venting was from a wrong heart motive, and God was quick to reveal that to me. I in NO means am saying that anyone who "vents" is wrong. I feel to share this though, because I want to be transparent...in order to be true to my blog. Insert ironic grin here.)

And so I blog. For perspective. For the hope that maybe something I write will bring truth elsewhere. For the practice of making sure that the shared revelation is one that reflects something real...and real in God's eyes, too.

And most of all: for my sanity.

Blogging. A modern day message in a bottle.